sigh..of relief

Here I sit. Happy to be. That is all, to simply be. Here. Now. It's great, I've never really been able to just enjoy the moment like I have been the past week. I will admit I have my moments of crazy per usual. But mostly I just enjoyed being. Being completely in the present. And the funny thing is, when I am completely immersed in the moment I have no reason but to smile. I have a wonderful family, wonderful loving friends, and a boyfriend who makes me smile everyday. I like to find ways to infiltrate my mind and thoughts which prevent myself from feeling happy. I am really good at that, in fact. I am going to continue to do my best to be and see what happens. Each and every day I am going to make a point of bringing all my thoughts and actions back to the moment. Everything I do I want to do with my complete focus. I don't think one can be completely focused if their thoughts are consumed with something else. I have never, for as long as I can remember been able to do so. I let my mind become polluted with irrational and illogical thoughts which I cannot escape. I become trapped within my own mind. And for the first time, I can honestly saying I am finally breaking free. It's just a matter of practice. But I am getting better each day, and each I am living more.

Beauty from within..

I just watched Susan Boyle from Britain's Got Talent singing and by the end I was overcome with emotion and in tears. All from watching a poor quality you tube video. Susan Boyle is a middle age woman, who looks nothing more than a mere plain Jane. A little overweight, squinty eyes, bushy eye brows, ragged clothes. More often than not the culture we live in, gives us the idea that if you are successful or talented you are also aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Everyone on that show immediately judged her. People will automatically judge you based solely on your appearance. How does appearance in any way, shape, or form define our intelligence or talent we possess. It doesn't and Susan Boyle broke the stereotype. Once she opened her mouth a flawless and incredibly astounding voice came out. And everyone's jaws dropped to the floor, and what she looked like didn't matter in the slightest. It just goes to show that what lies within us, are the true spirit of who we are. In a perfect world, no one would be judge based upon appearance but rather their appearance would be based upon what's inside. A human spirit rather than human materialism. This can happen with anyone, even someone beautiful. Someone beautiful may be judged out to be stupid or dumb. A tall black person, is automatically athletic.

There are stereotypes for every single person. If you're human, you a fall into some stereotype. You are judged. I try my darndest not to judge. However, to be completely honest, I am guilty as much as the next person. The next time I am sitting next to a stranger, whether I am on a plane, bus, or anywhere else. I am going to talk to them and maybe found out something surprising about them, rather then immediately judging. This will be a challenging task, I am sure, but I hope to see past whats on the outside and discover a little of the inside. People are surprising. We just have to let them be.

strangely familiar...

I have been here before. The savory taste of your lips, that smell, those arms wrapped tightly around me. Those pale blue eyes uncovering my soul. And most of all that million dollar smile that never fails to swoon me. It cannot be, or can it? Do we find ourselves relighting this burnt out flame? Will this flame burner hotter than before or die quicker? I can only hope it burns fiercely hot, a fire that cannot be stopped. Yet, as I feel quite excited, I find myself reluctant to be vulnerable once again. After all, you broke my heart and I have been determined to move on. But now you claim you want me again. Do you deserve me, is the question I ask. I do believe I owe it to myself to try again. For what we shared was special, and I have always trusted you. So should I trust you again? Give you another shot? Well, since we began hanging out again I have a grin that I simply cannot wipe from my face and my cheeks hurt. I want you again more than before, yet all at once I am terrified. Please, don't hurt me again, and hopefully I won't hurt you.