25 things..

1. Anxiety will not take a hold on my life any longer. I simply wont let it. Rather I am going to blow the fire out with a overwhelming sense of ferociousness.

2. The colors and smell of autumn never fail to put a smile on my face and tenderness in my heart.

3. Rosi Fry is and always will be my heterosexual life partner. And that's a fact.

4. Sometimes I be incredibly confident while other times I feel like the most insecure and insignificant person in the world.

5. I am figuring it all out right now. I am learning how to take control once more of my life and I am learning how to love with every thing I have.

6. When I get upset sometimes the only I wanna do is lie on the floor, lights out, eyes closed, and music carrying away my worries.

7. I am completely afraid of 'happiness' and feel as though when ever I do attain some level of happiness, the universe turns its back on me. I know this isn't true, and I am working on being okay with being happy.

8. Apparently I am not actually allergic to bees, I just have a bee phobia that inherently induces severe panic attacks. awesome.

9. I have learned all I need to know about how to live my life, from how my mother lived hers.

10. I love my bicycle and honestly need to ride him more often. Dirty.

11. I am dirty hot mess of a girl sometimes, but it shows I human and that's beautiful.

12. I have recently discovered a passion for writing. I absolutely love it. I may not be very eloquent or creative but I see writing as a perfect emotional outlet for me. Somewhere where I can organize all my thoughts and relieve them as well.

13. I am itching to travel again, it's been too long. But first I need to be good with me before I can do pursue anything drastic. When the time is right, I will adventure once or maybe even twice more.

14. My liquified ankle was the best learning and growing experience I had yet.

15. Taos New Mexico is the only place I'll ever call home.

16. I find beauty in the simplest forms. For example, the other I was opening for work at the State Park. It was a quiet brisk morning and to the east the earth was just awakening from the sun shining down upon it, while to the west the land was resisting the temptation of the sun for just a moment longer before greeting the day. It was refreshing to know I too like the earth wake up with the sun but still enjoy the calm rest of the night.

17. Doors are opening all around me and the universe is currently working in my favor *knock on wood* I am going to carefully and intentionally enter each one of these doors.

18. I work with a woman in her late 60s named Linda and I want to be like her one day. She is one of the most lively and inspiring people I know.

19. I am obsessed with a 175 gram plastic disc.

20. Sometimes I have the intense urge to smoke marijuana.

21. I am seriously considering buying a banjo and learning how to play. Afterall, I played the violin for ten years, and am in love with bluegrass.

22. Sometimes I still think I will end entertaining people for a living, a childhood dream of mine.

23. I value my sleep just about more than anything.

24. Each person in my life I try to learn from. I figure they are all they for a reason, because of a quality I admire in them. If I possessed all the wonderful qualities my friends and family have I would be the best person in the world.

25. I can communicate with birds. Silly, I know this is what you are thinking. But it's true I can return their calls with my impressive bird whistling talents. You can call me the bird whistler.

learning...everyday

I am learning a lot about myself. Everyday I think you can learn about you and strive for improvement. Right now I am currently dating a boy whom I am falling for. And I am learning that when I am in a relationship I tend to be a lot more insecure with myself. Always worrying about nonsense . For example, he is in school and really busy so we don't hang out as much as I would like. But even though he tells me, texts me, calls, when he doesnt see me go into freak out mode instantly. All of sudden these ridiculous thoughts swarm my mind a like an attack of killer bees. (Okay may more like a swarm of bumble bees fighting over pollen). Anyways, my mind is jumping from one irrational thought to another. "Is he going to break up with me?" "Does he like me still?" "Do I like him more than he likes me?" "Maybe I am not mature enough for a relationship." Etc..etc.... You get the idea. Well when it comes down to it I bring myself back to reality and logic, and realize he does still like me. And even if he didn't? The world isn't going to end. Not even close. I find myself becoming to dependent on someone else. I am letting my emotion rule me. Not logic. This could be the result of infatuation or the beginnings of a new love. Irregardless, I am not always secure with myself in a relationship. But I realize that and am working on it. My goal is to be as confident in a relationship as I am with myself any other time. He like's me for after all, and if hee don't, he aint worth the trouble.