learning to be lonely...

I am lonely. I have never felt like this before. This emptiness inside me that craves human contact. Heck, some good conversation would suit me just as well. It's not that I don't have any friends here, I do. I cannot pinpoint the core of this loneliness I feel. I suppose it has to do with a combination of things. I am an intern and alone most days. And most nights I am also alone. There are some nights when I have people to hang out with and things to do but the other nights.... Those empty lonely dark starless nights, those are the nights that get to me. I come home from a day of being alone to an empty house usually. No one to talk to, or to greet me. I had a boyfriend for a while and the loneliness hid well between the sheets. But we are no longer together and haven't been for a while now. Now the loneliness is vivid and real. Ankle shatteringly real. It hurts and I cry often. I do not want to. Cry. That is. Connections have always come easily to me. But not this time. It's an experience I am growing from. I am spending a lot of time with my thoughts and myself. And I am okay with that. I do things I like to do still, just on my own. I am putting myself out there and meeting people. It just takes time to build relationships. And I am not about to run away. No, I am not that much of a coward. My time will come, and it will come soon I can feel it. And the dark starless skies will suddenly light with brilliant spectacular light.