Le Sigh..

So I may be a little drunk/exhausted and when I get like this it is quite likely I will get emotional. I find my self more than ever in my life wanting someone to cuddle me, hold me, be there for me, because of my ankle. And of course I look first to my ex. Who I have recently realized I am still in love with and we broke up six months ago. And he's an asshole and selfish but he has a lot of great qualities as well and I just cannot seem to get over him. I know a lot of it has to with him being my first well everything. First boyfriend, love, I lost my virginity to him..so it is easy to see why I became so attached. Which is incredibly unlike me. It of course does not help that we have had sex multiple times when drunk since. I don't expect us to get back together but when together for that stolen moment it is exactly what I wanted and I like to think for him to. But that could very well be nothing more than wishful thinking. Right now I wish he could comfort me but I can't expect that. After all he broke up with me for a reason. I just wish I didn't feel like I needed him. Because I DON'T and that's not me. I really need to move on, let myself like someone new. Sure I have kissed a lot of guys and have had a lot of potentials but why am I holding on so tightly onto something that is nothing more than mere memory. I don't need a guy in my life but it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with when I am upset about my ankle or can't myself any food. Le sigh, am I one hopeless girl or what? I'll figure it out, I always do.