Sleep...Who Needs It?

For the past few weeks I have had a difficult time falling asleep. I usually won't fall asleep until two or three in the morning. I am not a huge fan of this because I am girl who likes my sleep. So I write in hopes that I will sleep better and ease my mind a little. So here goes some of the babble that is my mind.
Today was a good day, better than most in fact. However, I am not entirely sure why. Nothing special happened; nothing really happened at all. I spent most of my day in the library doing homework and then class at 6. Following class I watched some night ultimate with some friends. I am just really content and satisfied for some reason. You know, I have a lot of days when I just feel restless, bored, and anxious. But not today, not at all. I want, I need more days like this. Although, I know they won't all be. It's refreshing to know some will.
Other random thoughts on my mind. It has almost been three years since my mother passed away. I can hardly believe it. Wow. Three years and look how far I've come. I like to imagine that she would be proud of me. Even though I have made my mistakes, I have never stopped living as a result of her passing. Mostly, because she specifically told me not to.

Here is a conversation from 3 years ago. I enter the hospital to visit my mom who was sick with cancer. It is a few days before my senior prom, but I have other things on my mind

My aunt Jan is in the room, "Hey Megs, your mom needs to chat with you in private," she calls .

Nervously I step in and reply, "Alright, hey mom." I go over to her and squeeze her hand. In her eyes, I can tell she is upset.

She gives me a smile and squeezes my hand in return, "Well Megs, I have good news and bad news." "Do you want to know both?"

Terrified to know but knowing I have to, I just respond, "Yes,I need to know, just tell me, no bull shit."

"Alright, well the good news is that there is a new chemo out that could save me..."
"And what's the bad, I need to know" I interrupt.

She hesitates and responds, "The bad news is, they've given me 3 to 6 months to live if the chemo fails."

I immediately began screaming and crying, "NO, NO, NO, NO......" She pulls me in close and tells me "Look at me Megan, it is not the end of the world. Look at me. I know this is going to be hard for you but you cannot let this slow you down. You have so much going for you in life. You will be upset but you can and will keep going on with your life. I always be there and you know that. I love you."

I am shaking with shock at this point and reply with, "I will. I will. I will."

And that conversation is why I live the way I do. It plays over and over again like a broken record in my mind. People used to wander I why I never took a break, or slowed down after she passed. I did it because I her told I would. And I am so glad I made the choice to live, instead of the choice not to, and sulk in my sorrows.

Now I use that as my life motto. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. And I am tough, thanks to my mother. She was made of iron, when it comes to being tough.

The reason I just went on this random tangent is because people are always telling how they admire me when it comes to my ankle. It's the same attitude that my mother had, and now thanks to her I have as well. So my ankle may be a minor setback. But that is all it is. MINOR. I am alive and well, so what stopping me from having a good time? Well shit, I can't think of a thing.