chaos without reason nor rhyme...

I am crossing this rikkity old bridge that is significantly wavering above the rushing rapids below me. I am trying to cross quickly on my tip toes, so I don't fall over the edge. This is how I live my life, always on guard, ready to fall in head first. I live in a state of unfiltered anxiety and chaos. What is ironic though, is that this bridge is completely steady, the water a calming rush, and my walk a jaunt of pleasure. I choose to create chaos from nothing, I create problems when there are none. If my mind is at ease and relaxed, I begin to think I am 'too happy' and thus create a problem; which in turns actually creates problems. A catch-22. This is a vicious vicious cycle which leads to mental turmoil and instability. Without reason nor rhyme. Instead of fearing the water that lies below me, I need to turn the rush of the rapids into something nostalgic; a reminder of how calming and beautiful that sound is. If I can manage to relax my mind and spirit, I am sure I can achieve stability and happiness.