Dear love,
You're eyes are as vast and unknown as the ocean. As blue as the color of sky. You're one of my closest friends and I hold you close to my heart. Perhaps too close. I have loved you for sometime now. But I myself cannot bring myself to admit it, at least not aloud. You have a girl friend, we have a past, and we have an emotional bond that seems to last. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I just confessed. Confessed that I am in love. Completely, hopelessly in love with you. And yet it is the last thing I want to do. I know that your girlfriend recently cheated on you. I wish you would know this so you could end this terrible relationship your in. You don't need to be with me. I just want you to be with someone whose good for you and makes you genuinely happy. Now, of course I want that person to be me. But I know that is not quite how things work. So I don't know what and can't seem to find the right words to say. You know I love, I just don't think you know how much. Maybe one day I'll tell. Not today, not right now. But tomorrow will be here soon and who knows what it will hold. For now: I love you, I love you, I love you. At least on paper I do.
With all my heart,
Me*
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, September 8, 2008
As good as it gets...
This is life as we know it. As good as it gets. Even at the worse times ,at that moment of tragedy that is good as it is going to be at that particular moment. And when things are great that is as good as at it gets as well. Life is what you make of it. IN reality nothing is picture perfect and anything can go wrong at any moment. I am speaking from experience. IN my young life of 21 years I would say I have experienced more pleasure as a result of more pain than most people my age have. Now of course I could be wrong.
When I entered my senior year of high school my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. And in my naivety, at the time I just assumed that “cancer” was not a big deal and that mom would get through it no prob. Unfortunately, I could have not been more wrong. After a few tests and surgeries it was clear that shttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=1460233456254595187urvival was not the only outcome. When I found this out I was well shocked. Shocked into the reality of life. And in this moment of realization and shock I came to know was real and was not. The emotions I was experiencing were real, my mom’s failing health was real, and this was the most reality I had ever known. This was as good as it was going to get and yet the worst. So in the last months of my mother's life I made sure our relationship was the best it had been yet. Every night before I went to bed I would go into my mom’s room and just talk with her about life, school, boys, you name it. She soon became the best friend I have ever had. And when she finally left the world I was at peace, at least with what our relationship had become. I was able to love my mother fully and make certain that our last few months together were as good as it gets.
And I have tried to carry on that attitude since my mom left. There is no denying that the loss has left entirely too large of a whole in my heart. But I have discovered that this hole can be filled. Filled with the love, the memory, and the life of Karen Ellen Wichelns. And because of this love, memory, and life I have been able to live my life to the fullest. At least I have tried to.
Since then I have completed 3 out of 4 years of college, studied in New Zealand, made poor decisions, made good decisions, and made the best friends I have ever had (besides her). I have made sure to experience all that I can; to grow, learn, and thrive as a human being. As Megan Kathleen Weber. And of course in these past three years I have had many ups and downs.
Most recently I have faced the challenge of living and coping with a shattered ankle for the past four months. And it has been difficult with two surgeries, relearning to walk and gaining my strength back. But again it has been another incredible experience to enhance myself. Again, this is as good as it gets at least right now. So I have made the best of it and instead of being a lazy, bummed out bum I have made sure to keep on keeping out despite the injury.
These experiences have brought me down to earth and humbled me. Life is a fragile, delicate, precious, and wondrous gift that many of us take for granted. I myself used to. And with these adversities the best thing I can do is help others. And I Will. I have experienced the great pleasure knowing the greatest of pains. And that is the pain of love. Love for my mother, love for myself, and love for this life.
When I entered my senior year of high school my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. And in my naivety, at the time I just assumed that “cancer” was not a big deal and that mom would get through it no prob. Unfortunately, I could have not been more wrong. After a few tests and surgeries it was clear that shttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=1460233456254595187urvival was not the only outcome. When I found this out I was well shocked. Shocked into the reality of life. And in this moment of realization and shock I came to know was real and was not. The emotions I was experiencing were real, my mom’s failing health was real, and this was the most reality I had ever known. This was as good as it was going to get and yet the worst. So in the last months of my mother's life I made sure our relationship was the best it had been yet. Every night before I went to bed I would go into my mom’s room and just talk with her about life, school, boys, you name it. She soon became the best friend I have ever had. And when she finally left the world I was at peace, at least with what our relationship had become. I was able to love my mother fully and make certain that our last few months together were as good as it gets.
And I have tried to carry on that attitude since my mom left. There is no denying that the loss has left entirely too large of a whole in my heart. But I have discovered that this hole can be filled. Filled with the love, the memory, and the life of Karen Ellen Wichelns. And because of this love, memory, and life I have been able to live my life to the fullest. At least I have tried to.
Since then I have completed 3 out of 4 years of college, studied in New Zealand, made poor decisions, made good decisions, and made the best friends I have ever had (besides her). I have made sure to experience all that I can; to grow, learn, and thrive as a human being. As Megan Kathleen Weber. And of course in these past three years I have had many ups and downs.
Most recently I have faced the challenge of living and coping with a shattered ankle for the past four months. And it has been difficult with two surgeries, relearning to walk and gaining my strength back. But again it has been another incredible experience to enhance myself. Again, this is as good as it gets at least right now. So I have made the best of it and instead of being a lazy, bummed out bum I have made sure to keep on keeping out despite the injury.
These experiences have brought me down to earth and humbled me. Life is a fragile, delicate, precious, and wondrous gift that many of us take for granted. I myself used to. And with these adversities the best thing I can do is help others. And I Will. I have experienced the great pleasure knowing the greatest of pains. And that is the pain of love. Love for my mother, love for myself, and love for this life.
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