Random Thoughts......

Want a piece of my mind? Well, I'll give ya piece. Tasty too, I promise. So as of recently my ankle has been getting the best of me. It has been 8 + months and I just want to be able to do what I used to be able to to do: run, hike, ski, climb, heck walk without a limp. The worst though is the pain. If I go and be active, afterward the pain sometimes becomes unbearable. It is just so freaking frustrating. Ya know I try to stay positive and I think for the most part I do a pretty darn good job. So, it's okay to let myself feel upset every once in a while. It's natural and healthy. I am just going to keep doing what I do best and keep working hard to recover. I know I can do I just have to believe and push through the fear and the pain. It will get better. It has too.

Another thing on my mind is Ultimate. I have been part of the NAU women's ultimate team since I began college and this past fall I became a captain. I have invested so much time and commitment to the team and I don't even play. I know I have full capability of being a leader but sometimes I just don't see the benefit in helping others play when I haven't particpated in 8 months. Sometimes I feel my time would be better spend elsewhere. Today, Emily my roommate and fellow captain said I should speak up more in practice. And I should. I need to change something. Hidden deep within me there is an enthusiatic leader but I have seem to buried it somewhere. I have to dig to find it. I know I can be a benefit to this team and myself if I just muster up the courage to actually do it. I need to stop dwelling in my sorrows, suck it up, and lead like I know how.

Reflections.......

So the year 2008 is coming to close. Another chapter is finished and new unpredictable exciting new chapter is about to begin. 2009. 2008 was a year for spiritual growth and to learn from experience. A lot of things happened. It was a year of breaks. My heart broke as well as my ankle (which shattered). Looking back, heart break seemed like nothing compared to my ankle. My heart healed quickly and without any physical pain. Unlike my ankle which still (8 months later) still hurts and will not heal fully for a year. I think it is a good thing though I am more dependent on myself then another person. Heart break illustrates my dependency on someone else for happiness.
However, my ankle as a normal working body part enables me to be fully independent. When I was first injured for about a month or two I was not able to take care of myself. I had to be dependent on other people. People to feed me, help me shower, wheel me, you name it, I needed help. It was hard to let them help me. Unfortunately, I had no choice. But I learned to let them and value my independence and working body parts even more. I also learned to be completely fully happy with myself for the first time. Here I was facing what some may view as a devastating injury but I tried to view it as an opportunity for growth. And grown I have. I believe and significantly. I have been more focused, more present, and have the ability to be happy even in a grim situation. To truly find the sliver lining.
Some memorable events of 2008:
January: Break up with Pat
March: Green Chili Fest (Leahy, aunt Diane), Spring Break at Joshua Tree National Park = incredible
April: Shattering of the ankle
July: Potlatch
August: Durango Hat
October: Tequila Sunrise, Hash Run
November: Birthday in California, T-day with Rosi and family

To conclude 2008 was a year with many falls and getting on my feet again but I have done it. I am certainly on my feet again and hope to stay that way. I will close this chapter of my life but will never forget it. Not for a second. So here's to 2008 for teaching how to live more fully. And here's to 2009 and may it bring new opportunities, a bit of luck, love, prosperity, growth, and continuous improvement in all areas of my life.

Cheers.

Let it shine out

I am feeling good today, no make that great. I am full of energy and feel warm inside. Why, do you ask? Well, I wish I could give you an exact answer. But I am afraid I cannot. I am home in Denver now and just am enjoying this time to myself and with my family. Both of which happen only a few times a year. Typically, I am surrounded by the constant chatter and chaos of others. Which I am stimulated by and thrive off. But every now and again I need solely Megan time. Time to relax, breath, think, and do what I want. Time for me made by me. Ya today I have a whole agenda of things to do around the town exploring. And in a few weeks my family is going to the mountain to go skiing and I cannot downhill ski with anyone because of my ankle. But I am not complaining, I am instead to try my luck at xc skiing and snow shoeing. I am excited for the challenge and the peace. I haven't really done anything outside since my injury (except for camping once). I'll tell ya I am getting cabin fever. I think this will be the prefect solution. Skiing by myself in the snowy white wilderness. I get the chills thinking about the peace it can bring. This is a rambling post I can see but so is my mind.
This is glorious. This positive energy boiling up within me cannot be held so tightly because it will burst. So I will let I will radiate this energy with others and hope they feel it as well. It's the least I can do!

A letter: to you

Dear love,

You're eyes are as vast and unknown as the ocean. As blue as the color of sky. You're one of my closest friends and I hold you close to my heart. Perhaps too close. I have loved you for sometime now. But I myself cannot bring myself to admit it, at least not aloud. You have a girl friend, we have a past, and we have an emotional bond that seems to last. Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I just confessed. Confessed that I am in love. Completely, hopelessly in love with you. And yet it is the last thing I want to do. I know that your girlfriend recently cheated on you. I wish you would know this so you could end this terrible relationship your in. You don't need to be with me. I just want you to be with someone whose good for you and makes you genuinely happy. Now, of course I want that person to be me. But I know that is not quite how things work. So I don't know what and can't seem to find the right words to say. You know I love, I just don't think you know how much. Maybe one day I'll tell. Not today, not right now. But tomorrow will be here soon and who knows what it will hold. For now: I love you, I love you, I love you. At least on paper I do.

With all my heart,
Me*

Same old thing.....

I know from speaking to a professional that when one is unhappy or anxious as a 'protection method' they will revert back to old habits or ways of thinking. I myself am a victim of this. These past 6 months have been really great. The first two months it had seemed that I found myself. Unfortunately, it did not last and here I am being pulled back to same 'problems' and same obsessing negative thought processes. They are a lot better then have been in the past but here they are prevalent once again. They are completely irrational and illogical. Yet it seems I cannot simply acknowledge a thought and move on.

I have the tendency to dwell, dwell, dwell. It seems I start digging, digging, digging this giant hole that one day I won't be able to crawl out of. I don't need to dig. Not on this land. It is perfectly good land that can be put to good use as it is. Less digging and more watering. If anything this land can just grow. The capacity for this land to grow is endless. My mind is endless. And if I allow myself to take in new experiences as they come in the moment and then move on my mind will thrive. It won't stop growing.

I can do this. I have done it before and was the happiest I have been in gee who knows? I am going to start doing things in the moment. Accomplishing things bit by bit, piece by piece, moment by moment.

Mustering up some courage...maybe?

Alright. So here's the deal. My name is Megan. And I am a cute fun girl with a lot more to offer than just that. But the only way I can get anyone else to see that is if I see it for myself, first. Tonight I ran into this attractive gentleman who I see often because we have mutual friends. I have always found him attractive yet have never been able to muster up the courage to even speak to him until this evening when I did only after being egged on by my friend. It is so ridiculous. I am almost twenty two and when I see someone attractive I act like a twelve year old girl. I suppose it is not a bad thing but how will anyone see what have I to offer if I always act like that? That's just it, they won't. I am ready for a change. Megan Kathleen Weber is a smart, cute, fun, lovable, caring, and amazing girl. And it is about time I share that.

Si se puedes!

Today, I witnessed history. Along with the rest of the country. No, make that the rest of the world. Today a black man was elected President of the United States: Barack Obama. An American hero, an icon for the times. It is time for a change and I think our country may have finally realize that. And the simple fact that a black man was elected is a good indicator that we are as nation ready to face the adversities challenging us right now and change for the better. The better of the American people and the better of the world. All over the world countries were watching with their teeth clenched hoping that Obama would be our next President of the United States. And he is. We did it. We recognized the need for change and did it.

The charismatic Barack Obama put it simply "This is your victory." This is yours, mines, his, and anyone else's. Barack Obama will change the course of our history and already is. So I congratulate the American people. This is our country and finally after a long eight hours in a downward spiral: America will make us proud. I can proudly say that I am from the United States.